Where Is The Love?


(February 11th, 2010)

Dearest Planet Earth, with your many love-struck, little birds,

It’s the week before Valentines Day, and yes, I am feeling a lack of love in my life. All around me people are recieving special flowers from their lovers at school. All around me people are going about their daily love-making sessions in the hallway. I guess I could use the excuse that this event is a great distraction from my schoolwork, but that would make me sound like a hateful soul whose purpose is to break up any bit of happiness in others. It isn’t that I am jealous; I just don’t know how to express my feelings about such a subject. Luckily Valentines Day falls during the weekend this year, so I won’t have to put up with as much of the “holiday spirit”. Just to put it out there, what is the point of this holiday? It seems that its only purpose is to raise the ones connected by a bond of love, while smashing the rest in the dirt below. Year after year, I reflect back upon who cares about me and who I consider to be close at heart and I realize that there really hasn’t been anyone out there for me at school. I sit alone at lunch, I sit alone in the morning on the cold, filthy carpet floor hoping for someone to show up to sit by me. It’s tough. It really is tough to go through a day of classes without having anyone to express feelings with. We talked about conformity and Transcendentalism in English class today: about how hard it is for one to go against the grain of society, which I feel like I am pursuing every day. Emerson says, “For nonconformity the world whips you with its displeasure. The man must know how to estimate a sour face. The by-standers look askance on him in the public street.” Sitting at lunch, I felt looked down upon by the peers around me. I felt like a disgrace to be at the long lunch tables since a group of friends who were planning to sit where I was gave me such a sour look.  I really don’t want to have Connor as a person I rely on. He isn’t there for me when I actually need it, which is why I need to find someone who will care for me that I see every day in real life. Of course, going through every day alone gives me something special that many others do not: the ability to think for myself. I develop my own beliefs and causes at school which make me stand out as a unique character. Emerson continues by saying, “The great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.” As I continue to battle the common day’s conflicts, I remain strong and continue uninfluenced by the harsh tone of my surroundings.

When asked about what I will be planning to do on this upcoming holiday, all I have to say to respond is that I will do as I normally do any other day. I might even hang up some banners for Presidents Day to celebrate the 15th. After browsing the many exotic weblogs on WordPress, I have located one that demonstrates my feelings about such a “Valentines Day” that our society has grown to adopt. Click Here.

 

One response to this post.

  1. valentine’s day is poop without anyone to share it with. like you, i see people all around me kissing and hugging and stuff in the hallway. i walk from class to class alone. i walk to lunch alone. before school, i hang out with nick and callan, but that’s bittersweet. i think it’s sweet how much affection they show each other, but its bitter in the sense that i dont have that. i dont have someone to hold hands with. or to hug. and that’s kind of discouraging too. i always get sad around valentines day like when the school does candy grams and flowers and stuff because i dont get anything. not a single thing. and that makes me feel like crap becuase i feel like no one likes me. the only person that i feel loves me outside of my family is you michael.
    “I really don’t want to have Connor as a person I rely on. He isn’t there for me when I actually need it, which is why I need to find someone who will care for me that I see every day in real life.”
    you have no idea how much it hurts me not being able to be there for you. or maybe you do know. either way, i really wish i was there to sit next to you in the morning. i wish i was there to chat up a storm and converse with you at lunch. i wish i could walk with you to classes. i wish i could be there in the morning telling you to have a good day. but if i could only have 1 wish, i would wish to be the one you can rely on

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